Gratitude.

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IMG950318When asked to write about what my life feels like in this moment the only word that came to mind was FABULOUS! And with that, I smiled and laughed at myself for two reasons. One: Early into my sobriety, my first sponsor told me, “Pick a word. Even when you don’t feel it, you say it”. I was so stuck in a world full of self pity and self loathing, that I was unable to recognize how I felt or understand any gratitude for the life I was given. So, when anyone asked me how I was doing, one of my standard answers was, “Fabulous”… The other part of this was to learn that some days I just needed to ‘fake it til I make it’. Soon enough, I began to feel not only ok or good, but some days I felt fabulous. I laughed this morning because for the life of me, I could not remember why I had this safety word. I knew there was significance behind it, but I had to text my friend and make sure I remembered why she had me do this in the beginning. What started out as a simple tool, has slipped away as I have learned to let go of self pity and self loathing and replace it with acceptance. I have been blessed beyond words. When challenged at the beginning of the year to write down my blessings everyday and put them in a jar, I thought my friend was crazy. Today, 3 1/2 months into the year, that jar is almost full. The point is this… today my life is nothing that I had expected it to be. Recovery has given me more than I could have ever dreamed possible. While my life is not perfect, I can work with the flaws, and I’m happy to do so. I don’t want a perfect life… I just want life. And that I have!

Kylee C.
Tallgrass Alumnus

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